Court Update
I'm flying after court today. I went into it not really expecting to feel better (this entire process has been pretty frustrating) but today went better than I thought it would. Uncle D came with me and after watching a pretty sad meth case it was our turn. (sidenote: if you are ever bored and want some cheap entertainment you should check out your local county court system-Uncle D and I have had some good laughs).
The defendant was present. I couldn't believe that neither of us recognized him. He didn't look anything like I remembered. Seeing him really brought the emotion of it all back. Uncle D said he felt very angry seeing him. They got started and the D.A. announced that the victim was present. I wasn't expecting that. I also wasn't expecting that I was going to be asked to speak. I had written a statement and met with the D.A. but I had no idea they would ask me to speak. My mind was racing as to what to say. The D.A. spoke and then it was my turn. I stated that my ultimate goal was that this man would never drive drunk again and I fully realized there was no way to ensure that. I also said that my 3 year old was in the car with me that day. When I spoke Bruce looked at me the entire time and his eyes were filled with tears. Then the defense spoke. The attorney was very fair and stated exactly what happened. He also stated that the first call Bruce made was to a rehab facility (Regions Hospital) and he has been sober since May 27. I realized at this moment that was the best I could hope for. Then Bruce spoke. He is a first grade teacher and father of two. He is in his late 30's and this was his first DUI. He cried through most of his message and realized he was so lucky no one was seriously injured on this day. It was recommended that he pay $817, lose his license for one year, 30 days of jail, and take an alcohol assessment.
When the judge was doing something Bruce looked right at me and mouthed 'I'm so sorry.' I mouthed back 'Thank you.' It was so strange because at that moment I didn't want him to go to jail. Although I've been burned a few times (the basement is a good example) I still believe most people are truly good and want to do the best they can. But on the other hand I felt like I was there for CBW as much as I was for myself.
Court ended and the judge took away 15 days of his jail time. I don't like the thought of him being away from his children or students but hopefully it will help him have time to reflect.
I followed him out. He seemed to fearful to how we would react. I asked him if we could talk. I told him that I truly believe alcoholism is a disease and I was thrilled to know he had gotten help. I also understand hitting rock bottom and wanted him to know how lucky he was that day (he said he doesn't remember the incident). He was so sincere as he told me he has prayed for us each day. He said I don't feel like I can ask for your forgiveness but he wanted to know if we were okay. I told him I did forgive him (and I truly do) and that the best gift he could give us was to be a wonderful, sober dad to his children. He told me he had already seen such an improvement in his parenting and teaching and he is attending AA twice a week.
So, yes I'm a sap! He talked with Uncle D too. He apologized and Uncle D told him that I'm a better person than he is (at least less cynical) but he wished him the best with his recovery. So although I didn't throw the book at him for my daughter I hope she'll understand some day that forgiveness and kindness can be much more freeing. If she had been hurt I'm not sure I could have said the same.
I seriously walked out of the court house and felt pounds lighter. Maybe it is because it is done now. Maybe it is because I had some more quetsions answered. Maybe it is because I really want to believe he is going to turn this around.
Anyway, I went out and bought CBW a new doll. She had no idea what had happened today but I feel like we all got a second chance.
Some lessons learned if you are ever in trouble (or a victim) with the law:
-Don't use the public defender
(Uncle D said he would sell his organs before he would use one)
-Show up and stay involved
(I have a feeling today would have gone much differently if I had not met withe D.A. and showed up today). Everything got much more serious once they realized we were there.
The defendant was present. I couldn't believe that neither of us recognized him. He didn't look anything like I remembered. Seeing him really brought the emotion of it all back. Uncle D said he felt very angry seeing him. They got started and the D.A. announced that the victim was present. I wasn't expecting that. I also wasn't expecting that I was going to be asked to speak. I had written a statement and met with the D.A. but I had no idea they would ask me to speak. My mind was racing as to what to say. The D.A. spoke and then it was my turn. I stated that my ultimate goal was that this man would never drive drunk again and I fully realized there was no way to ensure that. I also said that my 3 year old was in the car with me that day. When I spoke Bruce looked at me the entire time and his eyes were filled with tears. Then the defense spoke. The attorney was very fair and stated exactly what happened. He also stated that the first call Bruce made was to a rehab facility (Regions Hospital) and he has been sober since May 27. I realized at this moment that was the best I could hope for. Then Bruce spoke. He is a first grade teacher and father of two. He is in his late 30's and this was his first DUI. He cried through most of his message and realized he was so lucky no one was seriously injured on this day. It was recommended that he pay $817, lose his license for one year, 30 days of jail, and take an alcohol assessment.
When the judge was doing something Bruce looked right at me and mouthed 'I'm so sorry.' I mouthed back 'Thank you.' It was so strange because at that moment I didn't want him to go to jail. Although I've been burned a few times (the basement is a good example) I still believe most people are truly good and want to do the best they can. But on the other hand I felt like I was there for CBW as much as I was for myself.
Court ended and the judge took away 15 days of his jail time. I don't like the thought of him being away from his children or students but hopefully it will help him have time to reflect.
I followed him out. He seemed to fearful to how we would react. I asked him if we could talk. I told him that I truly believe alcoholism is a disease and I was thrilled to know he had gotten help. I also understand hitting rock bottom and wanted him to know how lucky he was that day (he said he doesn't remember the incident). He was so sincere as he told me he has prayed for us each day. He said I don't feel like I can ask for your forgiveness but he wanted to know if we were okay. I told him I did forgive him (and I truly do) and that the best gift he could give us was to be a wonderful, sober dad to his children. He told me he had already seen such an improvement in his parenting and teaching and he is attending AA twice a week.
So, yes I'm a sap! He talked with Uncle D too. He apologized and Uncle D told him that I'm a better person than he is (at least less cynical) but he wished him the best with his recovery. So although I didn't throw the book at him for my daughter I hope she'll understand some day that forgiveness and kindness can be much more freeing. If she had been hurt I'm not sure I could have said the same.
I seriously walked out of the court house and felt pounds lighter. Maybe it is because it is done now. Maybe it is because I had some more quetsions answered. Maybe it is because I really want to believe he is going to turn this around.
Anyway, I went out and bought CBW a new doll. She had no idea what had happened today but I feel like we all got a second chance.
Some lessons learned if you are ever in trouble (or a victim) with the law:
-Don't use the public defender
(Uncle D said he would sell his organs before he would use one)
-Show up and stay involved
(I have a feeling today would have gone much differently if I had not met withe D.A. and showed up today). Everything got much more serious once they realized we were there.
posted by Jbird @ 6:07 PM
1 Comments:
At 11:26 AM,
pdxkatie said…
You wrote this story with such beauty and truth. I so appreciate you sharing this. You are still the Jac I knew and loved in college - an inspiration!
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